It's so good to hear from you. I should say I am still in the US, and safe. These are very rough days, but compared to the past two months, I am doing much better these days.
What I want to write about is very painful, if you feel you cannot read it, it is fine. I really want to write it somewhere as I did not have anyone to talk to about it.
Two months ago on 8th and 9th of January, the most horrible event in our modern history took place. Following an initial uprising in small scale in some cities of Iran, one of the opposition leaders, the son of the last Shah, invited people to the streets, to show the Islamic regime that they really want change and they want an end to the regime. In the Iranian revolution events in 1979, when people took to streets in masses, the Shah sent a message over the radio, that he heard the sound of the revolution, and he left, because he really didn't want to kill its civilians. Since the Islamic regime took power life under the radical Shia was nothing but oppression and resistance. So after 47 years, people said enough! they were ready to take the streets again. They have been oppressed in the past protests, the largest one in 2019 were at least 1500 people were killed. Despite that massacre, added over 500 killed in 2022 after Mahsa Amini's murder in custody, they were thinking it's not going to be worse than those events, if they come out in masses. They wore heavier clothes so the shotguns won't injure them very badly. On 8th and 9th of January, people came to streets in millions, families, young boys and girls, parents even brought their children. They saw the crowd and were excited to finally break the silence. But on the other side, the regime forces, the IRGC, the Basij, the plain clothes, and even militia groups from Iraq and Afghanistan were waiting, with loaded guns, snipers, and military grade weapons.
We didn't know what was happening because the Islamic government cut off the internet on that same day and this cut lasted for 2 weeks, but little by little the news was crawling out with the blood, it grew and sank us in. The initial number of people killed in the massacre was estimated 12 thousand, and it grew and grew and it is believed to be 30 to 40 thousand. This was the darkest time of our lives, learning each day of cities that managed to come online and break the news. It took a whole nation and all the diaspora in shock and in mourning. And I think much deeper than sadness, we were and are filled with rage.
Most of the people killed, were very young, in their teens and twenties. The faces that we were seeing on social media or the diaspora TV, were so young and beautiful, so full of life, students, athletes, musicians... They were the future of Iran, now perished. Now their families had to search for their bodies, morgue after morgue, had to open numerous bodybags to finally find the body of their children. I was watching videos of truckloads of bodies, entering a morgue and devastated people eager to see if their lost one is among the new arrival. Stories were coming of the families, their sufferings, their loved ones, lost; Names after names after names. When the families found the body, then it was time for the humilation, their loved ones were called traitors and enemies of God! They had to pay a large sum of money for the bullets, so the body was released. Many of the families were already so poor, they couldn't afford the bullet bribe, they were offered to sign documents stating their child was a Basij member, killed by the protesters. Some were even given names of the arrested protesters, to use them as testify to get their death sentence. Some of the families were not even alowed to be present at the time of burrial of their loved ones or there were others that the regime did not tell them where the body was burried.
What happened in the west, was total silence. Human rights activists, celebrities, the free Palestine crowd that held large protests in university campus and in many cities, just turned their face, and none of them said a word. This was really shocking to me. I was looking through social media, and mainstream media, and the only ones talking about this were Iranians, and a few conscious minds. And then they showed up, with their own narratives. They started doubting that the massacre happened at all. They started laughing at our pain, calling us liers, and called the protests charged by Israel. That was their tool for justification of their inaction. That was the time that my whole concept of being democrat and socialist and human rights advocate shattered to pieces. I regretted so much that I have destroyed my social media accounts and did not have an audience any more, but really, nothing could make the world to listen to us and it was making me sick to my stomach. Those days, I would go for long walks, to cry my heart out, away from home and my worried mom.
But then something very extraordinary happened. Families, parents, siblings, lovers, children of those lost ones started mourning in a completely different way. They removed all signs and objects of religion from their ceremonies. They played music, music that is forbidden by the regime, music that is played at wedding parties, folk musics from the norh, from the south, or from the Zagross mountains, a music that roots in ancient Iran. Some of the mothers and fathers, stood up and danced as like they wanted to dance in the wedding party of their child. Some, read Shahnameh poems, the epic of ancient heros of Iran. These gestures of resistance got to its peak on the 40th day ceremonies. This 40th day is very significant in mourning, seemingly in Shia ceremonies, but believed to have come from ancient Iran. I can't tell you how it felt to see these families, in large numbers, be so powerful and courageous, up against a regime that brutally killed their loved ones and threatened them for their own lives.
Now about the war. This is very troubling for non Iranians to understand that Iranians asked for the war. We have tried every way possible, to get rid of the theocratic regime, none of them worked. When they came to the streets with the order to kill, this was the last strain. Iranians needed a foreign force to be able to defeat the regime. During the demonstrations, Trump has sent messages of encouragement, he said US is locked and loaded. He said help is on the way. I don't say that people came to the streets because of what he said. But he promised something, and people were looking into it. Then he started to talk about the nuclear deal again, and kept Iranians in limbo.
We continued our efforts. On Feb 14 Iranians of diaspora were invited by the prince to go to three cities of Munich, Toronto and Los Angeles, and whomever cannot go, have to prepare demonstrations in their own city. I went to los Angeles to be part of a huge crowd. I don't know if you heard about the one in Munich. That one was 250 thousand people. The one in Los Angeles 350 thousand. And the one in Toronto was over half a million. I just love to go review the drone videos of the Toronto protest. Its massive, endless and so powerful. Even other cities like London, Sydney, Melbourne, Washington DC saw crowds of tens of thousands. What was our demand? Foreign intervention. I tell you in the past two months, our conversations were not about if US has to attack or not, it was about when is Trump going to do it. He was the only one who sent a message if support, and Iranians are glad that he stood by his words.
The war break out was not a shock for us. By us I mean all Iranians, inside and outside. Not more than the 12 day war in June last year. We were anticipating it. But hours later when the news of Khamenei being killed came out, that was moment of silence and disbelief. It was like the world froze. Then voices after voices, videos after videos came from Iran, of people cheering and screaming, and did not have a word ro say. I broke at that moment and cried so hard, to see my people came out of such a grave pain that did not have words to describe their feelings. 50 darkest days came to a tiny aperture that a single ray of light could come through.
Now we are watching with anticipation what will come out of this war. What do you think the Leftists are doing? They are lecturing us about why WE are wrong, they are protesting the war, some of them with good intentions, but some with supporting the regime and the IRGC, only to oppose Israel and the US. They do not have the understanding to see that Iranian people's biggest fear is that if the war ends and the Islamic regime stays. This is such a horrific scenario that people don't even think of what US and Israel are planing for the country. We just want the murderous regime gone. And day by day, numerous events happen that pull us up, or take us down.
I'm sorry this email was too long. It took me about three hours to write. I don't know, I think my heart couldn't bare much more. Stories need to be told, need to stay. I don't know if you read through it or not. If you did, I hope it was not too heavy on your kind heart. If you didn't, that is tottaly fine. May be one day you do. Anyways, I appreciate your friendship, and wish you bright days.
With much love
Fereshteh
